the realest thing i ever wrote:

i'm going to come get you.
i can't say when & i can't say how
& damnit, my dear, if i could
let you know i would.
but you have something of mine
& i don't want it back.
i just want to sit beside you &
watch it grow out of your mouth & stomach
& root itself in the soil beside us.
burst from the ground with the
life & fire of every star that breaks
it's neck above us, just to catch a glimpse
of all that this is.
i will find you.

under a warm blanket.

god, the energy is disgusting in here.
i stare at the moon, full & awake.
i stare at my face, hollow & awake.
i stare at my hands, shaking & awake.
it's dark & quiet & the world is sleeping
& you are sleeping & he is sleeping &
she is sleeping & babies are definitely sleeping.
a few birds are chirping.
surely just as confused as i am by the static
in our hair
& feathers.
god, daylight sleep like only the daylight can.
dead, expired, eliminated by darkness.
& in the morning, kick down my door.
scream at the top of your sharp, bright,
lovely throat.
& may i find a way to hold onto you
until we all sleep again.

be.

"it's a travesty to be a prisoner in your own life."

ctrl+alt +delete+end.

you stare at the cheap, over-sized stuffed animals
behind the toothy grinned, gypsy with short fingers
& because of the excitement of the game, forget
you hold the brass token in your hand.

blue 37.

so i look at the cop & i say to him,
i say right to his stubbly, pretty cop face,
i say "you don't know me man, you don't know me."
& he shoves me a little, back against my car
& he mumbles some over practiced warning
about "controlling my temper" but all i can do is
laugh out loud at the overly zealous bulge in his
stupid brown polyester pants.
so he cracks my jaw with the end of his flashlight,
pretty sure that will "knock that silly smirk off your face!"
so i go soft.
he loads me in his car & then gets a frantic slur of chatter
over his radio as he climbs in the front.
after responding ever so heroically
to the chain of numbers & colors
with a voice he could only get from hours upon hours
of watching & practicing t.j. hooker lines,
he jumps up & lets me out.
un-keys my hands, spits on my shoes & tells me i'm free to go.
i get that same smirk on my face,
although it's slightly swollen this time, but before i could
even say a word he drives away.
i'm free to go.
ha, what a gold-bricker.
what a stupid gold-bricker.

& these chords run dry for a time
"it's ok, child, life can't go on stand by"
a man in a chair in an empty library
smokes his cigarette & reads from his favorite lines
the dust settles & the clock hums the hours
into his ears & brain & heart
he becomes time
something of a fading moment
an instant that was just an instant that becomes an instant
passing into another instant
he sits, time itself, knowing he will be better in the future

this is destroying us.

you may fight so very hard & sometimes you must
fight before you can see through the blood & the smoke...
& when we do, the black & the white cut the light like
glass & the lines are clearer than the sun
no matter what was blurring them before.
a creation is built with a purpose
& imbedded with a specific dna.
find your way in the murky waters of this life
& know that no matter how hard or trite the days ahead may seem,
you are forging what will be the remains of who you are
long after you cease to be who you are.

neverland is empty.

& we fill our veins with something else.
something cold & dark & different.
& we cross our fingers & hope the shadow isn't permanent.
who really recovers from this?
what are the odds of us knocking down those that are against us?
questions i asked when it mattered more.
questions i asked when we could see each other's faces in the dying light.
questions i will sleep on for...until we wake.